Support the Non-Parents, too
54.1% of the workforce do not have children under 18 years of age. (Image created with AI)
It is easy to get caught up in supporting parents and lose sight of what is still a large portion of the workforce; non-parents. According to 2023 data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 54.1% of the workforce do not have children under 18 years of age. I find this to be one of the more challenging groups to garner support for, and this is due to quite a number of reasons.
First, many hold a preconceived notion that non-married employees live for their career. “What else do they have to do?” Quite a lot, actually. Have you asked them what they enjoy outside of work? You might be surprised how they spend their free time, and you might get a few ideas how to spend yours. (If you are like me, and you’ve been caught up in life and your career, you may also have forgotten to have your own hobbies. It is OK, you’re not alone.)
The second reason is that unless they have openly shared, you have no idea what their status is on becoming parents. Especially the employees you know are in a long term relationship. And no, you should not ask. This information may be shared as you invest in relationships, focusing on active listening and building trust over time. These employees fall into one of three categories:
For some this is a choice, and this group tends to be more open about it. I’ve had my share of conversations with employees and co-workers who openly discussed their position on this matter. From the “absolutely not for me” to the “My partner and I are not sure. What do you think?” (For the record what I think, is that if you aren’t sure parenthood is for you, it is something you shouldn’t jump into - there are no givebacks.) Perhaps they just aren’t ready yet and they’ve shared that. Or they have no desire to settle down, they enjoy their unattached lifestyle. To my confident single readers out there, you do you.
Unfortunately, though, for far too many this is not a choice. According to the NICHD, about 9% of men and 11% of women experience infertility. Statistically speaking that means you are likely working with someone who is trying to start a family and, for any number of reasons, is struggling. This also might represent someone in the single category that also longs for a family. We all know “it takes two”… so it is best not to assume. If you’ve ever found yourself in this position, I want to say I am sorry, and I hope beyond hope you find your path to the family you long for. The world needs more dedicated loving parents like you.
These are the individuals who fall into group 2 (not a choice), but pretend to be part of group 1 (this is their choice), as a way to protect themselves. I bring up this third group to re-iterate a very important point, that you don’t know what you don’t know, and you must always keep an open mind and open heart.
Last, but certainly not least, are the individuals that have children over the age of 18. “But Chrissie, they are parents. Why are you giving them a category in this blog?” Because you would be amazed how quickly they get grouped into a category all of their own; the empty nester who has time to dedicate to their career again, and what follows is equally as applicable to supporting this group.
Equality with Personal Time Off
As a leader I often have been in roles where I had to ask my team for volunteers to take on an emergent project. Things break, and overtime was an occasional part of the job. During one such round about the cubicles to find a volunteer, a young engineer (let’s call him Matt) popped his head up and volunteered. I would have been content handing him the assignment, but then he explained to me that he wanted to volunteer because he knew other team members on the team had families it was the right thing for him to take the assignment.
Now when I was in his position as a young new engineer, I had a similar mindset. I thought to build my career it was in my best interest to work as hard as I could before I had a family so that I could slow down when I did have children. (I also thought that the time I needed to dedicate to my children would only be significant the first few years when they were young and physically demanding. Ha! Joke is on me! Now that we are well into the school years I realize how much time these little humans actually need from their parents.) Essentially I was not only expecting my career to stall when I became a mother, I was giving my employer and peers permission to hold me back. Looking back now, 11 years into my motherhood with about 10 left to go (at the time of this blog my kids are 7 and 11), that means a collective 21 years of my 40-45 year career would be slowed or stalled. That is not OK.
Now, back to Matt. If I had allowed Matt to take on this assignment without another word, I would be reinforcing with him that parents were less dedicated to their careers. I was also allowing him to devalue his own personal time. I did allow him to take on the assignment, but we had a long talk about making sure he was looking out for himself and his own time. I’m happy to report that I now see Matt taking time to travel the world and enjoy his time off.
The lesson here is that it is important to protect personal time for all our employees and co-workers, regardless of what they plan to do with that time. We are all equally susceptible to burn out.
Mind Your Dumping Ground
For my working parents out there I know how hard it can be some days to get everyone out the door, on time, and show up ready for the day. You might be inclined to complain about the challenging morning you had with the kids. We’re all human, we all do it. I’ve done it and STILL do it. Heck, I feel I have a moral obligation to future parents not to sugar coat reality.
I’m not suggesting we can’t vent, but we do need to consider who may be in the line of fire as we verbally release our frustrations. It could be someone who would give anything to be in our position. If we are observant, we may see this written in their body language or their face. Or we may not see it, and they may be brave enough to approach us to share that we’ve said something hurtful.
Progress, not Perfection
I share all of this with you knowing full well it is a lot to remember. You’re never going to fully catalog all of the employees at work, and you’ll undoubtedly get it wrong from time to time (I have tips if you do get it wrong). Keep an open mind, always be open to learning, and remember that everyone has a right to personal time. Together, I believe we can help everyone find work life balance.
Did I Miss Something? I often write with my own life experiences and my family dynamics in mind, but you are always in my heart. If you have perspectives to share, or would like to add your own thoughts to navigating equality in the workplace, please reach out to me at ChrissieMeasamer@gmail.com. I would love to have you as a guest blogger or interview you for an upcoming piece.
